I cannot describe the way the soul needs rest.
To remove from all the normal.
And just...empty, and refill.
Last week we spent time at our emptying place.
We took all of our stress, our burdens...our schedules...
We took them and sank them deep into the lake.
We cast our lines...
We cast our cares upon the Lord with abandon.
My biggest excitement was to be able to sit: on a pier.
Like I did when I was a little girl.
Feet dangling down skimming the water, listening to it ripple and wave,
reflecting on life.
To worship there.
That was really it, my one main destination: the pier.
When we arrived Up North,
just past the middle-of-nowhere...
snowflakes were swirling in the air.
The trees were GLORY.
I was overwhelmed with grattitude, Lord.
I was overwhelmed that this penniless-me,
pouring her soul and her precious time and energy into raising babies...
teaching babies...being a goodwife...
This penniless soul, LAVISHED with gifts.
Like a cherished daughter.
Lavished, unashamedly with unspeakable beauty at every turn.
Who am I, to deserve to even behold?
The thing with God?
He doesn't ever give us what we deserve.
He gives us ~ unmeasured more.
Just pours it out.
I have been searching.
Searching for exactly: what am I to you, Lord?
Because this world says that if you're not a specific size,
or have beautiful curves and flawless skin...
You lack beautiful.
You are less.
And a soul can get pretty worn down hearing that, seeing that.
So I ask, and wonder...about biblical beauty.
How a meek and quiet spirit is of great beauty to the Lord.
But doesn't get you very far here in this place.
And I wrestle with God about His love, and how sometimes it feels far.
And I wonder my worth.
He just pours.
"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."
The true desires of the heart...are rarely things.