I have been thinking a lot lately, about how God blesses us.
Last night, I saw fireflies flitting about in the backyard, and I just had to be out there flitting too. I grabbed the sweet littleness of my 11 month old son, on the eve of his first birthday, and together we watched the ethereal delight of those amazing little insects that play and frolic during my favorite time of day: dusk.
Dusk is like a blurred painting, dimmed lights, colors foggy and surreal. A dreamland. The sky washed in pinks and blues, hues unmatched by any painter's pallette.
Sometimes we fight Him on it: blessings. We shake our heads and flat out refuse. As if we really had a choice? And maybe sometimes we DO. We do have a choice. Sometimes we miss out on those precious blessings because we thought that our way was better, we used our "free will" button and we missed out BIG.
My mind frolicking with the fireflies, husband runs outside and says, "Did you HEAR THAT?" I watch him beeline for the a/c unit below our LR window. I heard nothing strange, wonder what is the fretting...and then he announces, "Yup. It's dead."
My mind is in a great place. Hard for a heart to sieze up with worry when watching a firefly show. Isn't that how it always is? With our minds focused on beauty and Someone Bigger, it is much harder to get lost in worry.
I am learning this. In every situation, I am learning to smile big and say, "I can't WAIT to see what you do with this one Lord!" I fail consistantly. My heart is naturally bent on anxiety. On worry. As a mother, it's what I do. I worry. As a stay-at-home-mother, I worry even more. Worry about what tragic event will conspire to drown our finances and send me back into the workforce too soon. Worry when things break, that our savings will dwindle. That a medical bill will cause our demise or force us to forget an annual vacation. My mind...it goes there in an instant...if my eyes are not set High Up.
How would the story of those complaining Israelites been different, had they invited God's blessing? Had they rejoiced at their freedom, and been in watchful awe as Pharoah's army approached to slay them, walled up against the sea--just waiting for the FIREWORKS, the majesty, the rescue, the impending blessings. It's easy for us to see it now--thousands of years removed, judging those Israelites as a bumble-headed brood of rotten attitudes. But in the moment, those men and women HAD NO IDEA. They saw impossible, they complained, they would RATHER HAVE THE MEDIOCRITY.
I want to see fireworks. To see God so big, coming through...when all else fails and clearly He is all that is left. Looking back, those are the moments in my life that are my FAVORITES. Often, those are the moments that are also wrapped in incredible pain. To be open to the richest blessings is often synonymous with trusting God through deep trials.
It was indeed, broken. That ol' a/c unit, in all it's faded glory. Heat wave pending, temperatures estimated to be triple digits, and it just quit. At the exact same time as my feet were trampling grass, teaching my son to see miracles in bugs that self-light their little dancing bodies. The night before the double birthday. I tempered my fear. It would creep in...oh no...what if...and I forcefully chose joy. I almost have to stick myself face first into joy sometimes, smash my head right in there. My fear showed to my sweet husband, who spent his evening calling HVAC contractors...and my mind kept sliding toward worry...how much would it cost....what would we give up....mind-please-stop. change gears. thank-you-Father-for-the-years-of-cold-air-on-stifling-hot-days, I will trust You still. We can live without a/c....yes, we can totally live without a/c. We have a glorious basement that needs cleaning, and it is always cool. Maybe a birthday spent in the basement playing Wii is fabulous, indeed.
Would you believe an HVAC contractor offered to show up the next morning at 7am? During one of his busiest weeks? He showed up ON TIME, muttered to me something like.."wow, this is an OOOOlllld unit!"
What do we add to our lives when we worry? We cannot see the future. We cannot change it with worry. Yet we try....
My little neighbor girl taught me how to catch fireflies. It is amazingly easy. You just reach out, and CATCH THEM! Golden hope, right there for the grasping... but you cannot catch them if you are not focused. If you see their light and then lose track. It is an art of joyful, willful concentration. Eyes fixed, anticipation building.
"and who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?" -words of Jesus (Matthew 6:27)
A link for you, to one of my favorite Bible study tools on the web: